


I Don't Know Which Way's Home

by TeenCaterpillar



Series: Harringrove Snippets [8]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Billy talks to his mom in between the veil, Fake Character Death, M/M, Purgatory, Random & Short, Self-Hatred, i have no idea how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22496542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeenCaterpillar/pseuds/TeenCaterpillar
Summary: Billy’s eyes snapped open and he was fucking confused.He was in his old apartment, the one he had shared with his mother, before Neil, beforeeverything.  The couch creaked as he got up, nervous and confused.  He had just been impaled--Billy lifted his shirt and was shocked to find unblemished skin.  Like he had looked before that fuckingthingtook over and locked him inside himself.  He swiped at his nose and let out a shuddery breath.  Swallowed and slowly moved through the house, wondering where he was.  This was a little too close to something like heaven, but he shouldn’tbein heaven.  He didn’t deserve that.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: Harringrove Snippets [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1506065
Comments: 7
Kudos: 150





	I Don't Know Which Way's Home

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno y'all I just wanted to write this. It was rolling around in my head while I was listening to the Beetlejuice musical.
> 
> Sappy, sad, with a hopeful ending.
> 
> Unbeta'd
> 
> Sorry this is so silly and dumb I just wanted his mom to call him sweet names and tell him sweet stuff. But he also gets to live.

Billy stared at the sky, the ceiling above him cracked and open, thanks to that _thing_. He gurgled, blood bubbling out of his mouth. Well, at least he went out protecting that girl. Maybe it’d get him into purgatory. Not heaven, he didn’t deserve that. Heaven would be him, his mom, and Steve, and she _knew_ and she _loved_ him. It was too distant a dream.

There were hands on him, someone shaking him. Max… Max was above him, crying. His chest hurt, his body hurt, he was so tired, and he looked up at her, regret filling him like it did when he remembered what he was and what he did. Even before he was taken over.

“I’m sorry,” he spit out, swallowing some blood, listening to her cry. He hoped she would be okay. Hoped she knew that he regretted being so horrible. Regretted that he had almost become his father, wished he could do it over. _There’s nothing like death to fill you with regret_ , Billy thought, as everything faded away into blissful peace.

**

Billy’s eyes snapped open and he was fucking confused.

He was in his old apartment, the one he had shared with his mother, before Neil, before _everything_. The couch creaked as he got up, nervous and confused. He had just been impaled--

Billy lifted his shirt and was shocked to find unblemished skin. Like he had looked before that fucking _thing_ took over and locked him inside himself. He swiped at his nose and let out a shuddery breath. Swallowed and slowly moved through the house, wondering where he was. This was a little too close to something like heaven, but he shouldn’t _be_ in heaven. He didn’t deserve that.

The books on the shelves were arranged by color, just the way his mother liked, and he ran a finger over the spines, smiling. He went into the kitchen and froze, his choked off gasp making his mother turn around. She looked shocked to see him.

“Billy Bun?”

“M-Mom?” He felt tears welling up, starting to spill down his cheeks, but she was _here_. She was here and in front of him and this had to be a trick, couldn’t be real, _couldn’t be_. His mother set down the dishes she was doing, moving quickly to him, hand outstretched. She paused before touching him, looking sad and happy, all at once.

“You grew up so _beautiful_ , baby,” she said, voice proud and full of love and Billy’s mouth twisted as he let out a sob and gathered her in his arms. She gripped back, holding him as he cried, rubbing his back soothingly. “Oh honey, honey,” she cooed. “I missed you too. So, so much.”

“This-- This can’t be real,” he choked out, pulling back enough to look her in the face. She cupped his cheek and smiled. “I’m--” He sobbed again and gripped the back of her shawl. “I’m not a good person. He-- He fucking _ruined_ me and then this, this _thing_ \--”

“Honey, honey,” she hushed him, kissing at the tears on his cheeks. “I know, I saw. I saw it all. I’ve been watching over you. Couldn’t do anything, but I’ve been watching you, baby.” He inhaled shakily, exhaling in a rush. Clung to her, holding on so he couldn’t lose her again. They stood there, in the kitchen of the best apartment in San Diego.

“Is this…?” He didn’t want to voice. Didn’t want to be _wrong_.

“It’s,” his mother sighed, mostly in thought, “It’s more like purgatory. I asked to see you. To talk to you.” Billy tilted his head. She smiled. “You’re in a stasis right now. An in between area. Both mentally and spiritually.” Billy tried to wrap his head around that, wondering why he wasn’t just _dead_. But maybe he was. He kinda hoped he was.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“I know you think that you want this, to be here with me, but, baby,” her eyes watered and she cupped his cheek, “You’ve got so much to live for.” Billy looked away, his heart clenching.

“I--”

“Steve’s a wonderful boy,” she whispered. He looked at her, swallowing thickly, but her smile was tender. “He loves you so much, Billy Bun. You can think you don’t deserve him as much as you want, but that boy _chose_ you. He knows that people can change. Can work to be better. Knows that you were.” Billy wiped his eyes, shaking his head. “And Max loves you,” she said, making Billy scoff. “She does. You two have work to do, but trust me, she’s gonna miss you.”

“I don’t-- I don’t want to _lose you_ ,” he said, voice breaking. “Not again.”

“I’m always with you, sugar,” she kissed away his tears once more. “Always.”

“What if you’re wrong?”

“That boy is cradling you right now. That boy is _mourning_ you, Billy Bun.” Billy felt his heart swell and clench. Of course. Steve’s heart was too big for his own damn good. Billy still wasn’t sure why Steve let him in, gave that big heart to him, but now Steve had the chance to give it to someone better.

“He deserves someone so much better. Now he won’t… He won’t be distracted with me.” His mother huffed.

“Some people say you don’t choose who you love, and while that’s true in a way, you do. You choose who you love and who you let love you. Honey,” she pressed when Billy couldn’t meet her eye. “Honey, you can’t make his choice for him. You shouldn’t.”

“I didn’t, that _thing_ did--”

“I told you,” she replied, cutting him off. “You’re in stasis. This isn’t the afterlife. Not really.” She stood and came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her chin in the crook of his neck. “I came to you so you wouldn’t give up. So I could convince you that there’s more to life than my memory.” Billy reached up and gripped her linked arms, shaking slightly.

“I don’t know how to get back to him. I can’t do it. I don’t--” He pressed his lips into a thin line. Steve was… Billy had no words. He loved him so _much_ and had never gotten the chance to say it. Never been able to get the words out. And despite the fact that he wanted to, he was exhausted. Wanted to rest with his mom somewhere _better_.

“Close your eyes,” she said, and he did so. “What do you want, most of all, right now?”

“To be with you,” he replied. “To be _home_. To feel like I belong somewhere.” She scoffed.

“You can have more than one home,” she replied. Billy furrowed his brow. “Think about it. Where did you go? When you were scared and alone. When you needed comfort?” Billy gripped her hand tightly.

“Steve’s,” he whispered.

“And how did it feel, when you were there with him, when you were together?” He opened his eyes but she tutted. “Keep them closed!” He closed his eyes again.

“It felt… It felt warm. Like I had somewhere I could be myself, where I didn’t have to be someone I wasn’t, didn’t have to posture. It made me feel like I did when I was here with--” A bright light appeared in his vision, distant and strange.

“That’s it, baby,” his mother’s voice said. “Think about him, think about your new home. I’ll always be here. Always be with you.”

**

The heart monitor beep was what Billy heard first. Then the ambient sounds in the room. That there was someone snoring. He slowly opened his eyes, vision blurry. He blinked slowly, staring at the ceiling, before seeing if he could turn his head. His neck was stiff, it made his head swim, but when he looked to the side, Max was there. She was curled up in the chair, red hair falling into her face, snoring like it was going out of style. Billy smiled a little, around whatever the fuck was in his mouth. He lifted his arm to pull it out but stopped when there was a clattering from the doorway. He turned his head slowly and…

Steve stared, eyes wide, mouth agape. Billy was awake. Billy was _awake_.

“Nurse! Nurse!” He called into the hallway before going over to the bed. Max snuffled and rubbed her eyes, the yelling having woken her up, but she quickly pushed the drowsiness away when she saw Billy’s eyes were open. “Holy shit,” Steve breathed, voice shaky. “Billy, you _stupid_ \--!” His voice cracked and he ducked his head, fists shaking as he clenched them. “Don’t you _ever_ \--” Billy reached for his hand, weakly trying to pry his fingers open. Steve’s hand clamped around his and he let out a shuddery breath. “Our schedules had been so fucked and I didn’t-- How could I--”

Billy wanted to speak. Wanted to tell him that that fucking _thing_ had made sure Steve was nowhere near him. That it had known that Steve was a threat. Would know that it wasn’t Billy inside his body. But he had a fucking _tube in his mouth_.

“Don’t ever do that again!” Max cried, punching at his shoulder. She was crying, out of a mix of anger and happiness, and she wiped her nose the exact same way he did. He wondered why he had never noticed. “You suck,” she said, voice wobbly and wet, “But you’re _my_ sucky brother and you don’t get to leave me!” Billy’s eyes welled up and he closed them, letting the tears fall. He gripped her hand with his other and thought about what his mother had said.

That Max cared about him. That Steve loved him. That he had a home without her.

And, finally, he thought maybe, maybe she was _right_.


End file.
